Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
