what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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