there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
