The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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