I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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