That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
