Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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