According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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