I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
