i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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