I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So many bounce houses so little time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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