Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
