well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
