I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
