Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
