A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
