are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
