i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We smell like vodka and hangover
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