dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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