I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
