she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
