That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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