Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
