i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
