that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
