i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
