1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize