So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize