I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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