id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
