I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
