I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
