Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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