RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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