Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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