You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
