Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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