So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
