At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My vagina is officially offended.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
