Its about making memories worth repressing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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