If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Randomize
