When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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