playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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