There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
