It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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