Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
