hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
