can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
