Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
