There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize