I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize