now i know why i became what i already was.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
