i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
