did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
