Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
