Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
