So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
