how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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