as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Holy shit dude........stairs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
