ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
