The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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