Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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